i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
