Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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