ya dads aren't the best wingmen
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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