wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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