Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Drunk is not a location!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
