I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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