i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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