Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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