Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
