and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
