my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
