eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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