Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
