I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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