oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
