I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
