No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
