Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
