By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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