Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
