Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
