Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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