IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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