I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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