i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's rum buckets o'clock
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize