SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
