he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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