I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize