toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
