I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
