Define "chronic" masturbator.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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