ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
