I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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