True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
