Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
