When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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