My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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