That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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