I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
