So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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