Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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