Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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