I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
porn star boner night. come get it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
