im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
