On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
