When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
