Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
