you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
