I accidentally burped into my bong.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
4 words: hood of his car
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
