Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize