i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
