You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
