he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
