By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize