college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
