I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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