my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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