So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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