Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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