Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
