I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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