drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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