i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
