Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
