We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Where is the hickey?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
