I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
