How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
