The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize