She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
